Still learning to pray :o)

I was talking to a friend last night about prayer; and how hard it is sometimes. We both agreed that in a lot of instances the reason we don’t pray is because we don’t really expect God to do anything about it. I know that must sound terrible to those of you reading, but maybe, just maybe, you too have felt this way. It’s not that I doubt God’s ability to do something. I am well aware that my God is the creator of the universe and the savior of the world. He can do anything. What I doubt is that my prayer matters. Oh, I don’t think “my prayer doesn’t matter to God.” There are plenty of scriptures that dispute this fact. (Deut. 4:7 says he’s near us when we pray; 2 Ch 7:15 says he sees and hears our prayers; Rom. 8:26 says he helps us to pray; and most pertinent to my current problem, Matthew 21:22 says “If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in my name.”) But my failure to pray for certain things demonstrates this belief--or perhaps more accurately, my lack of faith.

Please do not read this post wrong. I am not depressed or in a bad place spiritually. Quite the opposite, I am loving getting to know my Savior better and I am excited about the place He has brought me to share his love.

Before I moved to Poltava, it was a dream. And therefore, anything was possible. And I could see it so clearly. I knew my future was here. Now I have arrived and that is incredible in and of itself; but, it has caused perspective to change. The dream has become a reality. Stepping into reality, those endless possibilities have become hazy as I search for the path I once saw so clearly.

It’s like when you look down on a city from an airplane. You can see how all the roads connect and understand the info structure of the city, but when you land, and need to find a certain road or building or park or whatever, you’re not sure how to get there. From the air you could see it, but now you’re surrounded by the unknown and are unsure which way to go. You need a map :o)

My map, thus far, on my journey, has only ever been truly illuminated by the light of scripture and prayer. And so despite my fears of inadequacy or unworthiness (both of which I am and am not. Scripture tells me that it is not I who live, but Christ who lives in me.) I continue to pray…