April's Update

*edited for blogger.

God is doing a new thing. And He is totally overwhelming me with His perfection in everything.

Jenn Smith and her four children arrived home last Saturday. And if you’re interested in following their post-Ukraine story they are blogging at This Is Family. I am so thrilled for them to finally be home and all together. God taught me so much about Himself while they were on this side of the ocean and I am so thankful for Mark and Jenn and their commitment to follow Him and help others to do the same. THANK YOU GUYS! I can’t wait to visit them while I am stateside in May.

I am preparing to head stateside for a month in about two weeks and finishing up Russian classes and English curriculum here before I leave.

As many of you know, I have been asking God for direction since last August as to of what is next in my life. Never doubting my call to Ukraine, but constantly questioning what God was doing and when He would reveal Himself to me, I waited. (Nick, your posts about waiting; I was like, man, I totally understand him and am so proud of him because I know how hard…and at the same time how wonderful…that can be. Nick—you rock! Check out Nick’s blog.)

And Wednesday a week ago God lifted the fog and sitting in Jenn’s kitchen at Orphanage 12 and clearer than anything I’ve heard in a long time I knew I was supposed to move to Poltava—a city about 215 miles east of Kiev. Some of you may remember Calyn and I talking about “the best road trip ever.” It was to Poltava. And on that trip moving there was mentioned. I have mentioned it since, very serious about it, but serious about it way in the future, not ever thinking “now” or even “soon” was the time. And so, looking back, I feel like I should have seen it coming all along. But, God’s timing is perfect and He caught me totally off guard. And when He did, I knew. I wish I could recount to you the conversation Jenn and I had in her kitchen that evening but I don’t remember much of it. I remember her voicing what I had already heard God say which was “you go [to Poltava].” And I cried for the first time in a long time—tears of “oh my gosh, God, I wasn’t looking for You or expecting You, but here You are in a tiny kitchen in Ukraine answering questions I had given up on asking and totally changing my life. Thank You. Thank You. Thank You.” Jenn asked me what I was most scared of. And my honest answer in that moment was “the fact that I am not scared at all.” Granted, that moment has passed and now I am terrified outside my mind and keep telling God He is crazy. But in that moment all I had was assurance.

Walking home that night, I was overwhelmed and told God that I couldn’t do it. I didn’t even know what it was. And the answer was its true, I can’t. But He can. And He will.

The past week has been an incredible number of perfect timing moments. Some of which I hope to share soon. For now, I need to get ready for Russian Class.

Your prayers, encouragement, support, e-mails, letters (thanks Grandma!!!), and comments are so precious to me. Thank you.

“If You say "go" we will go

If You say "wait" we will wait

If You say "Step out on the water"

and they say, "it can't be done"

We'll fix our eyes on You

and we will come

Your ways are higher than our ways

And the plans that You have made are good and true

If You call us to the fire

You will not withdraw Your hand

We'll gaze into the flames and look for You”

Faithful to Me

All the chistles I've dulled carving idols of stone
That have crumbled like sand 'neath the waves.
I've recklessly built all my dreams in the sand just to watch, them all wash away.

Through another day, another trial, another chance to reconcile
To one who sees past all I see.
And reaching out my weary hand I pray that you'd understand
You're the only one who's faithful to me.

All the pennies I've wasted in my wishing well
I have thrown like stones to the sea.
I have cast my lots, dropped my guard, searched aimlessly for a faith
To be faithful to me.

Through another day, another trial, another chance to reconcile
To one who sees past all I see.
And reaching out my weary hand I pray that you'd understand
You're the only one who's faithful to me.
You're the only one who's faithful to me.

Jennifer Knapp

Faithful to Me

All the chistles I've dulled carving idols of stone
That have crumbled like sand 'neath the waves.
I've recklessly built all my dreams in the sand just to watch, them all wash away.

Through another day, another trial, another chance to reconcile
To one who sees past all I see.
And reaching out my weary hand I pray that you'd understand
You're the only one who's faithful to me.

All the pennies I've wasted in my wishing well
I have thrown like stones to the sea.
I have cast my lots, dropped my guard, searched aimlessly for a faith
To be faithful to me.

Through another day, another trial, another chance to reconcile
To one who sees past all I see.
And reaching out my weary hand I pray that you'd understand
You're the only one who's faithful to me.
You're the only one who's faithful to me.

Jennifer Knapp

Blessed.

I've said it before, and it's been on my mind a lot these past couple days...but sometimes we, as Christians, feel like we deserve something. Like because we are "good" or even just because we chose to accept Chirst as Savior He owes us more...and we sugar coat "more" with the title "blessing." We say things like "trust God and everything will work out." Don't misunderstand me. I try to trust God in everything. And I do believe that He IS in control. And that everything WILL work out for His ultimate glory. But also understand that He tells us that His ways are NOT our ways. They are much MUCH higher than ours. And often times they look nothing like we would expect. Remember that materialism is of this world and NOT of our Father. He wants what is best for you, but remember that what is best is HIM.

I thank God before I eat each meal, but I try to remember that I do not need it or even deserve it. There are many, many starving people in the world. And many of them are Christians. They are NOT unblessed.

I talk to Him as I curl up under covers and with my body pillow each night, but last night, I was reminded that I could be asked to let go of my cumfy bed and live elsewhere. And most of us would consider that sacrifice. We know little of this word. I'm tired of thinking that following Him is sacrifice. He did the sacrificing. Following Him is joy--whereever that leads.

I do not believe that the Christians in Uganada are any less blessed than I am. Often times I think those with less understand the heart of the Father better--and THAT is the greater blessing. I know it is.

I can't wrap my mind around the hurting in this world. I can't understand how or why God wouldn't step in and stop the abuse of children that I see; yet alone the horrors that I don't see and can't imagine. But I know what I feel...and I know His knowlege and His hurting is far greater and deeper than mine.

I know that He is working and moving and changing lives.

He is providing families for those who don't have them.

Sending people to build shelter for those without.

Digging wells in places that need water.

Producing fruit crops in abundance for those who need food.

God, may I never forget that YOU are all I need. Help me to get to a point where YOU are all I want.

Send some rain, would You send some rain?
'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade
Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid
But maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case ...

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude
For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If You never send us rain

Daily bread, give us daily bread
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed
Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight
Wrap us up and warm us through
Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs
Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time
Or maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case ...

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude
A lesson learned to hunger after You
That a starry sky offers a better view
If no roof is overhead
And if we never taste that bread

Oh, the differences that often are between
Everything we want and what we really need

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight
Or maybe not, not today
Peace might be another world away
And if that's the case ...

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessd beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
And if You never grant us peace ...

But, Jesus, would You please ...

Nichole Nordeman, Gratitude

Following and Trusting

Max Lucado wrote, “‘He leads me.’ God isn’t behind me yelling ‘Go!’ He is ahead of me bidding ‘Come!’ He is in the front, clearing the path, cutting the brush, showing the way…He promises a lamp unto our feet, not a crystal ball into the future. We do not need to know what will happen tomorrow. We only need to know he leads us and ‘we will find grace to help us in our time of need.’ (Heb. 4:16).”

I can’t tell you how timely reading these words was for me. (Though I’m sure He could.) I’m learning (still learning, mind you,) to take it one step at a time. I can’t see tomorrow today and I’m beginning to be okay with that. Beginning to trust more in Him with the knowledge that He can and He already has it all taken care of.

Вопрос с Pебром: Radooga Conference 2008

Probably the most encouraging thing to me about Radooga’s conference this year was to witness Ukrainians in ministry. (Slightly ironic due to the presence of an Iranian-American speaker, who did an AWESOME job meeting Ukrainian youth where they are and encouraging them to raise the bar for their generation).


One friend who had taken a group of youth from Ukraine to India this past year shared about his trip.


Another lady working at a woman’s pregnancy center shared about her ministry.


Miss Ukraine 2007 shared and is traveling the country speaking to teenage girls about her relationship with Christ.


Several young adults who used to attend our camps as campers are now bringing youth or working with us on our drama team or doing registration.


Conference was advertised as a conference about relationships—and it was. But, it was also a spring board to talk about holy living. And holiness is one of those things, I just can’t quite get a grip on. One of those things I probably never really will. All I really understand is that God is—holy, perfect, flawless, without fault, never said the wrong thing or even thought a wrong thought, always loving, his judgments are always correct and because I am not, I can’t wrap my head around that fact. Bring in the fact that He sent His holy Son, an extension of Himself, to be killed in my place so that unholy, imperfect, flawfull, many faults, say the wrong thing all the time, think the wrong thing even more frequently, not always loving, often incorrect in my judgments me might have relationship with Him. I accept it. And I praise Him for it. I just don’t get it. But I am so grateful for those who are taking about it, and I pray that those who hear it will accept it despite the insanity of it because relationship with Him is everything. And I want to live this year with that being more and more evident in my life. I want to strive for deeper holiness. I want to share the story more of the One who “so loved the world” because I can’t imagine where I would be today without Him. Certainly not in Kiev watching Ukrainians change their world. And there is no place on earth I would rather be today (though there are several of you across the ocean I would love to have here with me today :o)

God,
I know you see the tears and hear the cries of your children. I can’t imagine the pain it brings You. Because I see such a small percentage of that in the orphans here in Kiev. Thank You that You are Daddy. Thank You that You love and You care and You do. Please continue to lead and to guide me. To give me wisdom and direction. That I might be Your hands and Your voice to the people You continue to place in my life. Thank You for the Smith family who have been a constant reminder to me that You are in control and You are Hope and Love and Life and Peace and Home. Thank You.